 I would never make Edward see me shed another tear for Jacob Black. The thought brought on a round of hysteria which frightened Edward more than the weeping. But it passed, too, when it had run its course.

Edward said little; he just held me on the bed and let me ruin his shirt, staining it with salt water.

It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more bearable. But it was still there; I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me to make the adjustments I needed to make.

The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, as least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier  thats what everyone always said. But I didnt care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.

When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes  finally dry  and met his anxious gaze.

Hey, I said. My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.

He didnt answer. He watched me, waiting for it to start.

No, Im fine, I promised. That wont happen again.

His eyes tightened at my words.

Im sorry that you had to see that, I said. That wasnt fair to you.

He put his hands on either side of my face.

Bella . . . are yousure ? Did you make the right choice? Ive never seen you in so much pain  His voice broke on the last word.

But I had known worse pain.

I touched his lips. Yes.

I dont know. . . . His brow creased. If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?

Edward, I know who I cant live without.

But . . .

I shook my head. You dont understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if thats whats best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. Its the only way I can live.

He still looked dubious. I should never have let him stay with me last night. But I had needed him so much. . . .

Hand me that book, will you? I asked, pointing over his shoulder.

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but he gave it to me quickly.

This again? he asked.

I just wanted to find this one part I remembered . . . to see how she said it. . . . I flipped through the book, finding the page I wanted easily. The corner was dog-eared from the many times Id stopped here. Cathys a monster, but there were a few things she got right, I muttered. I read the lines quietly, mostly to myself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger. I nodded, again to myself. I know exactly what she means. And I know who I cant live without.

Edward took the book from my hands and flipped it across the room  it landed with a lightthud on my desk. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

A small smile lit his perfect face, though worry still lined his forehead. Heathcliff had his moments, too, he said. He didnt need the book to get it word perfect. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, Icannot live without my life! Icannot live without my soul!

Yes, I said quietly. Thats my point.

Bella, I cant stand for you to be miserable. Maybe . . .

No, Edward. Ive made a real mess of things, and Im going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need . . . and what Im going to do now.

What arewe going to do now?

I smiled just a bit at his correction, and then I sighed. We are going to go see Alice.

Alice was on the bottom porch step, too hyper to wait for us inside. She looked about to break into a celebration dance, so excited was she about the news she knew I was there to deliver.

Thank you, Bella! she sang as we got out of the truck.

Hold it, Alice, I warned her, lifting a hand up to halt her glee. Ive got a few limitations for you.

I know, I know, I know. I only have until August thirteenth at the latest, you have veto power on the guest list, and if I go overboard on anything, youll never speak to me again.

Oh, okay. Well, yeah. You know the rules, then.

Dont worry, Bella, it will be perfect. Do you want to see your dress?

I had to take a few deep breaths.Whatever makes her happy, I said to myself.

Sure.

Alices smile was smug.

Um, Alice, I said, keeping the casual, unruffled tone in my voice. When did you get me a dress?

It probably wasnt much of a show. Edward squeezed my hand.

Alice led the way inside, heading for the stairs. These things take time, Bella, Alice explained. Her tone seemed . . . evasive. I mean, I wasntsure things were going to turn out this way, but there was a distinct possibility. . . .

When? I asked again.

Perrine Bruyere has a waiting list, you know, she said, defensive now. Fabric masterpieces dont happen overnight. If I hadnt thought ahead, youd be wearing something off the rack!

It didnt look like I was going to get a straight answer. Per  who?

Hes not a major designer, Bella, so theres no need to throw a hissy fit. Hes got promise, though, and he specializes in what I needed.

Im not throwing a fit.

No, youre not. She eyed my calm face suspiciously. Then, as we walked into her room, she turned on Edward.

You  out.

Why? I demanded.

Bella, she groaned. You know the rules. Hes not supposed to see the dress till the day of.

I took another deep breath. It doesnt matter to me. And you know hes already seen it in your head. But if thats how you want it. . . .

She shoved Edward back out the door. He didnt even look at her  his eyes were on me, wary, afraid to leave me alone.

I nodded, hoping my expression was tranquil enough to reassure him.

Alice shut the door in his face.

All right! she muttered. Cmon.

She grabbed my wrist and towed me to her closet  which was bigger than my bedroom  and then dragged me to the back corner, where a long white garment bag had a rack all to itself.

She unzipped the bag in one sweeping movement, and then slipped it carefully off the hanger. She took a step back, holding her hand out to the dress like she was a game show hostess.

Well? she asked breathlessly.

I appraised it for a long moment, playing with her a bit. Her expression turned worried.

Ah, I said, and I smiled, letting her relax. I see.

What do you think? she demanded.

It was myAnne of Green Gables vision all over again.

Its perfect, of course. Exactly right. Youre a genius.

She grinned. I know.

Nineteen-eighteen? I guessed.

More or less, she said, nodding. Some of it ismy design, the train, the veil. . . . She touched the white satin as she spoke. The lace is vintage. Do you like it?

Its beautiful. Its just right for him.

But is it just right for you? she insisted.

Yes, I think it is, Alice. I think its just what I need. I know youll do a great job with this . . . if you can keep yourself in check.

She beamed.

Can I see your dress? I asked.

She blinked, her face blank.

Didnt you order your bridesmaid dress at the same time? I wouldnt want my maid of honor to wear something off therack.  I pretended to wince in horror.

She threw her arms around my waist. Thank you, Bella!

How could you not see that one coming? I teased, kissing her spiky hair. Some psychic you are!

Alice danced back, and her face was bright with fresh enthusiasm. Ive got so much to do! Go play with Edward. I have to get to work.

She dashed out of the room, yelling, Esme! as she disappeared.

I followed at my own pace. Edward was waiting for me in the hallway, leaning against the wood-paneled wall.

That was very, very nice of you, he told me.

She seems happy, I agreed.

He touche