felt like a true sacrifice. Like it might be too much to lose.

I put Charlies dinner on the table next to his elbow and headed for the door.

Er, Bella? Could you wait just a second?

Did I forget something? I asked, eyeing his plate.

No, no. I just . . . want to ask a favor. Charlie frowned and looked at the floor. Have a seat  this wont take long.

I sat across from him, a little confused. I tried to focus. What do you need, Dad?

Heres the gist of it, Bella. Charlie flushed. Maybe Im just feeling . . . superstitious after hanging out with Billy while he was being so strange all day. But I have this . . . hunch. I feel like . . . Im going to lose you soon.

Dont be silly, Dad, I mumbled guiltily. You want me to go to school, dont you?

Just promise me one thing.

I was hesitant, ready to rescind. Okay . . .

Will you tell me before you do anything major? Before you run off with him or something?

Dad . . . , I moaned.

Im serious. I wont kick up a fuss. Just give me some advance notice. Give me a chance to hug you goodbye.

Cringing mentally, I held up my hand. This is silly. But, if it makes you happy, . . . I promise.

Thanks, Bella, he said. I love you, kid.

I love you, too, Dad. I touched his shoulder, and then shoved away from the table. If you need anything, Ill be at Billys.

I didnt look back as I ran out. This was just perfect, just what I needed right now. I grumbled to myself all the way to La Push.

Carlisles black Mercedes was not in front of Billys house. That was both good and bad. Obviously, I needed to talk to Jacob alone. Yet I still wished I could somehow hold Edwards hand, like I had before, when Jacob was unconscious. Impossible. But I missed Edward  it had seemed like a very long afternoon alone with Alice. I supposed that made my answer quite obvious. I already knew that I couldnt live without Edward. That fact wasnt going to make this any less painful.

I tapped quietly on the front door.

Come in, Bella, Billy said. The roar of my truck was easy to recognize.

I let myself in.

Hey, Billy. Is he awake? I asked.

He woke up about a half hour ago, just before the doctor left. Go on in. I think hes been waiting for you.

I flinched, and then took a deep breath. Thanks.

I hesitated at the door to Jacobs room, not sure whether to knock. I decided to peek first, hoping  coward that I was  that maybe hed gone back to sleep. I felt like I could use just a few more minutes.

I opened the door a crack and leaned hesitantly in.

Jacob was waiting for me, his face calm and smooth. The haggard, gaunt look was gone, but only a careful blankness took its place. There was no animation in his dark eyes.

It was hard to look at his face, knowing that I loved him. It made more of a difference than I would have thought. I wondered if it had always been this hard for him, all this time.

Thankfully, someone had covered him with a quilt. It was a relief not to have to see the extent of the damage.

I stepped in and shut the door quietly behind me.

Hi, Jake, I murmured.

He didnt answer at first. He looked at my face for a long moment. Then, with some effort, he rearranged his expression into a slightly mocking smile.

Yeah, I sort of thought it might be like that. He sighed. Today has definitely taken a turn for the worse. First I pick the wrong place, miss the best fight, and Seth gets all the glory. Then Leah has to be an idiot trying to prove shes as tough as the rest of us and I have to be the idiot who saves her. And now this. He waved his left hand toward me where I hesitated by the door.

How are you feeling? I mumbled. What a stupid question.

A little stoned. Dr. Fang isnt sure how much pain medication I need, so hes going with trial and error. Think he overdid it.

But youre not in pain.

No. At least, I cant feel my injuries, he said, smiling mockingly again.

I bit my lip. I was never going to get through this. Why didnt anyone ever try to kill me when Iwanted to die?

The wry humor left his face, and his eyes warmed up. His forehead creased, like he was worried.

How about you? he asked, sounding really concerned. Are you okay?

Me? I stared at him. Maybe hehad taken too many drugs.Why?

Well, I mean, I was pretty sure that he wouldnt actuallyhurt you, but I wasnt sure how bad it was going to be. Ive been going a little crazy with worrying about you ever since I woke up. I didnt know if you were going to be allowed to visit or anything. The suspense was terrible. How did it go? Was he mean to you? Im sorry if it was bad. I didnt mean for you to have to go through that alone. I was thinking Id be there. . . .

It took me a minute to even understand. He babbled on, looking more and more awkward, until I got what he was saying. Then I hurried to reassure him.

No, no, Jake! Im fine. Too fine, really. Of course he wasnt mean. I wish!

His eyes widened in what looked like horror.What?

He wasnt even mad at me  he wasnt even mad atyou ! Hes so unselfish it makes me feel even worse. I wish he would have yelled at me or something. Its not like I dont deserve . . . well, much worse that getting yelled at. But he doesnt care. He just wants me to behappy. 

He wasnt mad? Jacob asked, incredulous.

No. He was . . . much too kind.

Jacob stared for another minute, and then he suddenly frowned. Well,damn ! he growled.

Whats wrong, Jake? Does it hurt? My hands fluttered uselessly as I looked around for his medication.

No, he grumbled in a disgusted tone. I cant believe this! He didnt give you an ultimatum or anything?

Not even close  whats wrong with you?

He scowled and shook his head. I was sort of counting on his reaction. Damn it all. Hes better than I thought.

The way he said it, though angrier, reminded me of Edwards tribute to Jacobs lack of ethics in the tent this morning. Which meant that Jake was still hoping, still fighting. I winced as that stabbed deep.

Hes not playing any game, Jake, I said quietly.

You bet he is. Hes playing every bit as hard as I am, only he knows what hes doing and I dont. Dont blame me because hes a better manipulator than I am  I havent been around long enough to learn all his tricks.

He isnt manipulating me!

Yes, he is! When are you going to wake up and realize that hes not a perfect as you think he is?

At least he didnt threaten to kill himself to make me kiss him, I snapped. As soon as the words were out, I flushed with chagrin. Wait. Pretend that didnt slip out. I swore to myself that I wasnt going to say anything about that.

He took a deep breath. When he spoke, he was calmer. Why not?

Because I didnt come here to blame you for anything.

Its true, though, he said evenly. I did do that.

I dont care, Jake. Im not mad.

He smiled. I dont care, either. I knew youd forgive me, and Im glad I did it. Id do it again. At least I have that much. At least I made you see that youdo love me. Thats worth something.

Is it? Is it really better than if I was still in the dark?

Dont you think you ought to know how you feel  just so that it doesnt take you by surprise someday when its too late and youre a married vampire?

I shook my head. No  I didnt mean better for me. I meant better foryou. Does it make things better or worse for you, having me know that Im in love with you? When it doesnt make a difference either way. Would it have been better, easier for you, if I never clued in?

He took my question as seriously as Id meant it, thinking carefully before he answered. Yes, its better to have you know, he finally decided. If you hadnt figured it out . . . Id have always wondered if your decision would have been different if you had. Now I know. I did everything I could. He dragged in an unsteady breath, and closed his eyes.

This time I did not  could not  resist the urge to comfort him. I crossed the small room and kneeled by his head, afra