rd was following me as I stumbled toward the trees. I couldnt hear him, but the sun reflected off his skin in glittering rainbows that danced ahead of me. He didnt reach out to stop me until I was several paces into the forest shadows.

His hand caught my left wrist. He ignored it when I tried to yank myself free.

You cant go after him. Not today. Its almost time. And getting yourself lost wouldnt help anyone, regardless.

I twisted my wrist, pulling uselessly.

Im sorry, Bella, he whispered. Im sorry I did that.

You didnt do anything. Its my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. I could have . . . When he . . . I shouldnt have . . . I . . . I . . . I was sobbing.

Bella, Bella.

His arms folded around me, and my tears soaked into his shirt.

I should have  told him  I should  have said  What? What could have made this right? He shouldnt have  found out like this.

Do you want me to see if I can bring him back, so that you can talk to him? Theres still a little time, Edward murmured, hushed agony in his voice.

I nodded into his chest, afraid to see his face.

Stay by the tent. Ill be back soon.

His arms disappeared. He left so quickly that, in the second it took me to look up, he was already gone. I was alone.

A new sob broke from my chest. I was hurting everyone today. Was there anything I touched that didnt get spoiled?

I didnt know why it was hitting me so hard now. It wasnt like I hadnt known this was coming all along. But Jacob had never reacted so strongly  lost his bold overconfidence and shown the intensity of his pain. The sound of his agony still cut at me, somewhere deep in my chest. Right beside it was the other pain. Pain for feeling pain over Jacob. Pain for hurting Edward, too. For not being able to watch Jacob go with composure, knowing that it was the right thing, the only way.

I was selfish, I was hurtful. I tortured the ones I loved.

I was like Cathy, likeWuthering Heights, only my options were so much better than hers, neither one evil, neither one weak. And here I sat, crying about it, not doing anything productive to make it right. Just like Cathy.

I couldnt allow what hurtme to influence my decisions anymore. It was too little, much too late, but I had to do what was right now. Maybe it was already done for me. Maybe Edward would not be able to bring him back. And then I would accept that and get on with my life. Edward would never see me shed another tear for Jacob Black. There would be no more tears. I wiped the last of them away with cold fingers now.

But if Edward did return with Jacob, that was it. I had to tell him to go away and never come back.

Why was that so hard? So very much more difficult than saying goodbye to my other friends, to Angela, to Mike? Why did thathurt ? It wasnt right. That shouldnt be able to hurt me. I had what I wanted. I couldnt have them both, because Jacob could not be just my friend. It was time to give up wishing for that. How ridiculously greedy could any one person be?

I had to get over this irrational feeling that Jacob belonged in my life. He couldnt belong with me, could not bemy Jacob, when I belonged to someone else.

I walked slowly back to the little clearing, my feet dragging. When I broke into the open space, blinking against the sharp light, I threw one quick glance toward Seth  he hadnt moved from his bed of pine needles  and then looked away, avoiding his eyes.

I could feel that my hair was wild, twisted into clumps like Medusas snakes. I yanked through it with my fingers, and then gave up quickly. Who cared what I looked like, anyway?

I grabbed the canteen hanging beside the tent door and shook it. It sloshed wetly, so I unscrewed the lid and took a swig to rinse my mouth with the ice water. There was food somewhere nearby, but I didnt feel hungry enough to look for it. I started pacing across the bright little space, feeling Seths eyes on me the whole time. Because I wouldnt look at him, in my head he became the boy again, rather than the gigantic wolf. So much like a younger Jacob.

I wanted to ask Seth to bark or give some other sign if Jacob was coming back, but I stopped myself. It didnt matter if Jacob came back. It might be easier if he didnt. I wished I had some way to call Edward.

Seth whined at that moment, and got to his feet.

What is it? I asked him stupidly.

He ignored me, trotting to the edge of the trees, and pointing his nose toward the west. He began whimpering.

Is it the others, Seth? I demanded. In the clearing?

He looked at me and yelped softly once, and then turned his nose alertly back to the west. His ears laid back and he whined again.

Why was I such a fool? What was I thinking, sending Edward away? How was I supposed to know what was going on? I didnt speak wolf.

A cold trickle of fear began to ooze down my spine. What if the time had run out? What if Jacob and Edward got too close? What if Edward decided to join in the fight?

The icy fear pooled in my stomach. What if Seths distress had nothing to do with the clearing, and his yelp had been a denial? What if Jacob and Edward were fighting with each other, far away somewhere in the forest? They wouldnt do that, would they?

With sudden, chilling certainty I realized that they would  if the wrong words were said. I thought of the tense standoff in the tent this morning, and I wondered if Id underestimated how close it had come to a fight.

It would be no more than I deserved if I somehow lost them both.

The ice locked around my heart.

Before I could collapse with fear, Seth grumbled slightly, deep in his chest, and then turned away from his watch and sauntered back toward his resting place. It calmed me, but irritated me. Couldnt he scratch a message in the dirt or something?

The pacing was starting to make me sweat under all my layers. I threw my jacket into the tent, and then I went back to wearing a path across the center of the tiny break in the trees.

Seth jumped to his feet again suddenly, the hackles on the back of his neck standing up stiffly. I looked around, but saw nothing. If Seth didnt cut it out, I was going to throw a pinecone at him.

He growled, a low warning sound, slinking back toward the western rim, and I rethought my impatience.

Its just us, Seth, Jacob called from a distance.

I tried to explain to myself why my heart kicked into fourth gear when I heard him. It was just fear of what I was going to have to do now, that was all. I could not allow myself to be relieved that hed come back. That would be the opposite of helpful.

Edward walked into view first, his face blank and smooth. When he stepped out from the shadows, the sun shimmered on his skin like it did on the snow. Seth went to greet him, looking intently into his eyes. Edward nodded slowly, and worry creased his forehead.

Yes, thats all we need, he muttered to himself before addressing the big wolf. I suppose we shouldnt be surprised. But the timing is going to be very close. Please have Sam ask Alice to try to nail the schedule down better.

Seth dipped his head once, and I wished I was able to growl. Sure, he could nodnow. I turned my head, annoyed, and realized that Jacob was there.

He had his back to me, facing the way hed come. I waited warily for him to turn around.

Bella, Edward murmured, suddenly right beside me. He stared down at me with nothing but concern showing in his eyes. There was no end to his generosity. I deserved him now less than I ever had.

Theres a bit of a complication, he told me, his voice carefully unworried. Im going to take Seth a little ways away and try to straighten it out. I wont go far, but I wont listen, either. I know you dont want an audience, no matter which way you decide to go.

Only at the very end did the pain break into his voice.

I had to never hurt him again. That would be my mission in life. Never again would I be the reason for this look to come into his eyes.

I was too upset to even ask him what the new problem was. I didnt need anything