ely not while you feel threatened.

I didnt answer. I didnt have it in me to argue; I couldnt seem to find my commitment at the moment.

There. He kissed my forehead. Nothing to worry about.

I laughed a shaky laugh. Nothing but impending doom.

Trust me.

I do.

He was still watching my face, waiting for me to relax.

Can I ask you something? I said.

Anything.

I hesitated, biting my lip, and then asked a different question than the one I was worried about.

What am I getting Alice for graduation?

He snickered. It looked like you were getting us both concert tickets 

Thats right! I was so relieved, I almost smiled. The concert in Tacoma. I saw an ad in the paper last week, and I thought it would be something youd like, since you said it was a good CD.

Its a great idea. Thank you.

I hope its not sold out.

Its the thought that counts. I ought to know.

I sighed.

Theres something else you meant to ask, he said.

I frowned. Youre good.

I have lots of practice reading your face. Ask me.

I closed my eyes and leaned into him, hiding my face against his chest. You dont want me to be a vampire.

No, I dont, he said softly, and then he waited for more. Thats not a question, he prompted after a moment.

Well . . . I was worrying about . . .why you feel that way.

Worrying? He picked out the word with surprise.

Would you tell me why? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings?

He hesitated for a minute. If I answer your question, will you thenexplain your question?

I nodded, my face still hidden.

He took a deep breath before he answered. You could do so much better, Bella. I know thatyou believe I have a soul, but Im not entirely convinced on that point, and to risk yours . . . He shook his head slowly. For me to allow this  to let you become what I am just so that Ill never have to lose you  is the most selfish act I can imagine. I want it more than anything, formyself . But for you, I want so much more. Giving in  it feels criminal. Its the most selfish thing Ill ever do, even if I live forever.

If there were any way for me to become human for you  no matter what the price was, I would pay it.

I sat very still, absorbing this.

Edward thought he wasbeing selfish .

I felt the smile slowly spread across my face.

So . . . its not that youre afraid you wont . . . like me as much when Im different  when Im not soft and warm and I dont smell the same? You really do want to keep me, no matter how I turn out?

He exhaled sharply. You were worried I wouldntlike you? he demanded. Then, before I could answer, he was laughing. Bella, for a fairly intuitive person, you can be so obtuse!

I knew he would think it silly, but I was relieved. If he really wanted me, I could get through the rest . . . somehow.Selfish suddenly seemed like a beautiful word.

I dont think you realize how much easier it will be for me, Bella, he said, the echo of his humor still there in his voice, when I dont have to concentrate all the time on not killing you. Certainly, there are things Ill miss. This for one . . .

He stared into my eyes as he stroked my cheek, and I felt the blood rush up to color my skin. He laughed gently.

And the sound of your heart, he continued, more serious but still smiling a little. Its the most significant sound in my world. Im so attuned to it now, I swear I could pick it out from miles away. But neither of these things matter.This , he said, taking my face in his hands. You.Thats what Im keeping. Youll always be my Bella, youll just be a little more durable.

I sighed and let my eyes close in contentment, resting there in his hands.

Now will you answer a question for me? The whole truth, not sparing my feelings? he asked.

Of course, I answered at once, my eyes opening wide with surprise. What would he want to know?

He spoke the words slowly. You dont want to be my wife.

My heart stopped, and then broke into a sprint. A cold sweat dewed on the back of my neck and my hands turned to ice.

He waited, watching and listening to my reaction.

Thats not a question, I finally whispered.

He looked down, his lashes casting long shadows across his cheekbones, and dropped his hands from my face to pick up my frozen left hand. He played with my fingers while he spoke.

I was worrying about why you felt that way.

I tried to swallow. Thats not a question, either, I whispered.

Please, Bella?

The truth? I asked, only mouthing the words.

Of course. I can take it, whatever it is.

I took a deep breath. Youre going to laugh at me.

His eyes flashed up to mine, shocked. Laugh? I cannot imagine that.

Youll see, I muttered, and then I sighed. My face went from white to scarlet in a sudden blaze of chagrin. Okay, fine! Im sure this will sound like some big joke to you, but really! Its just so . . . so . . . soembarrassing ! I confessed, and I hid my face against his chest again.

There was a brief pause.

Im not following you.

I tilted my head back and glared at him, embarrassment making me lash out, belligerent.

Im notthat girl, Edward. The one who gets married right out of high school like some small-town hick who got knocked up by her boyfriend! Do you know what people would think? Do you realize what century this is? People dont just get married at eighteen! Not smart people, not responsible, mature people! I wasnt going to be that girl! Thats not who I am. . . . I trailed off, losing steam.

Edwards face was impossible to read as he thought through my answer.

Thats all? he finally asked.

I blinked. Isnt that enough?

Its not that you were . . . more eager for immortality itself than for just me?

And then, though Id predicted thathe would laugh, I was suddenly the one having hysterics.

Edward! I gasped out between the paroxysms of giggles. And here . . . I always . . . thought that . . . you were . . . so much . . .smarter than me!

He took me in his arms, and I could feel that he was laughing with me.

Edward, I said, managing to speak more clearly with a little effort, theres no point to forever without you. I wouldnt want one day without you.

Well, thats a relief, he said.

Still . . . it doesnt change anything.

Its nice to understand, though. And I do understand your perspective, Bella, truly I do. But Id like it very much if youd try to consider mine.

Id sobered up by then, so I nodded and struggled to keep the frown off my face.

His liquid gold eyes turned hypnotic as they held mine.

You see, Bella, I was alwaysthat boy. In my world, I was already a man. I wasnt looking for love  no, I was far too eager to be a soldier for that; I thought of nothing but the idealized glory of the war that they were selling prospective draftees then  but if I had found . . . He paused, cocking his head to the side. I was going to say if I had foundsomeone, but that wont do. If I had foundyou, there isnt a doubt in my mind how I would have proceeded. I wasthat boy, who would have  as soon as I discovered that you were what I was looking for  gotten down on one knee and endeavored to secure your hand. I would have wanted you for eternity, even when the word didnt have quite the same connotations.

He smiled his crooked smile at me.

I stared at him with my eyes frozen wide.

Breathe, Bella, he reminded me, smiling.

I breathed.

Can you see my side, Bella, even a little bit?

And for one second, I could. I saw myself in a long skirt and a high-necked lace blouse with my hair piled up on my head. I saw Edward looking dashing in a light suit with a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand, sitting beside me on a porch swing.

I shook my head and swallowed. I was just havingAnne of Green Gables flashbacks.

The thing is, Edward, I said in a shaky voice, avoiding the question, in my mind,marriage andeternity are not mutually exclusive or mutually inclusive concepts. And since were living in my world for